13Feb   No Need for Regret or Change

icon I’ve really been thinking lately. I see so many people and posts online about how people should burn old bridges cause they never shoulda been there, or how they were on the wrong path and now they’re trying to get back on the wrong one. Honestly though, what path is right or wrong? How can any of them be wrong in the first place?

It’s just really got me thinking about things. I’d never want to look back on my life and say this path was wrong and this one was right. There is no right or wrong path. They’re all just paths. They all lead wherever I want to go. Some things don’t work out and you walk over the bridge and leave behind what was on the other side. It doesn’t make what you left behind wrong nor does it mean that it was a bad choice to go to that place at all.

I don’t regret any of the paths I’ve taken in my life. Sure, I didn’t like how some of them turned out. I didn’t like what happened cause I went there, but I mean, I don’t regret it. I’d never want to take any of it back. I’d never wish to go back in time and take another path instead. No. I’m happy with the paths I’ve taken. Sometimes those paths led me to tears and depression or even pain. I’d never take any of it back though, because each of those paths led me right to where I am now.

Like, looking back, people could say that Joey was a bad choice on my end. I’d never say that it was. I mean, it led to a lot of heartache, but I got into talking to my dad and now my dad and I actually get along! We’ve never gotten along in my entire life! But now we do. All because I saw him by sheer chance that night while going to a party with Joey.

That’s just one example. Going from there, I met Mark, Jeff, Ted, and Dawn, and even Amanda and Kyle. From Jeff, I also met Mike. From Amanda, I met Daniel and Princess. Princess ended up becoming my best friend! From Mark, I met Brandon who is another major friend of mine now. Due to some stupidity of Joey and Mark, I ended up meeting Toast who is another best friend of mine now. From Brandon, I joined a few groups on facebook where I’ve met a ton of amazing people – guys and girls.

I went through tears and hardships and I found amazing happiness at the end of that road. You know, it’s not even the end. The road never ends until I die. I have people who love and care about me. I mean and that’s just going back to the start of meeting Joey. I could go back even further.

Like, I hated being homeless, but I’d never take that back either. I found out why I was sick because I was homeless and finally able to get medicaid because I was! The doctor who finally found out what was wrong with me was a doctor who I met through the Medicaid program. Homelessness made me stronger, more outgoing. I even met my ex, Ed. He was abusive, but he also gave me confidence in myself. I stuck up for myself because of what he did to me.

I’d never take any of this back even if someone else might. All the things that happened, led me to where I am today, right now. Sure, there are things I look at and regret but when I really think about it, I wouldn’t take them back. I wouldn’t change the way things happened. Even if it’s made me sad. I wouldn’t change anything at all. Why? Because they all led me to where I am now and they’ll continue to be the basis for where I am going in the future. I may not realize what’s meant to come. I don’t know what’s going to happen next. Whatever it is though, it’ll be worth it. Because it has been so far.

All the hardships that I’ve gone through to get to this point… They’ve all been worth it even when at the time, I didn’t think they were or ever would be. It was all worth it. They say that everything happens for a reason, this couldn’t be more true. Everything in my life has happened for a reason and I wouldn’t change any of it.

Right now, I’m in a sucky spot because I was in a car accident, but… I wouldn’t change that either. I’m not sure why it was supposed to happen. I’m not sure what being without a vehicle will lead to. I don’t know where things will go from here. I do know one thing though, it’s that I’ll look back on this one day, and I’ll say like I am now, it was worth it. It’s all been completely worth it.

I wouldn’t change a thing. Not being homeless, no Ed, not living in my van, not my fuck ups with Joey, and not my car accident. Things happened because they were meant to. They happened for the best. I may not know where things will lead to next, but I know it’ll be worth it. I have no doubt about that now.

Looking back, no matter how far I go, it was all worth it. Every little bit. I’m glad. I know that I’ll find days when I’m depressed and wish to go back and change things, but I know for certain, that even in that moment, if I was given the option to seriously change something… I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t change anything.

I’ll just keep moving forward. There’s no point in looking back with regret. I’ll only look back at the past with the intention of learning from my mistakes and going from there. I don’t have any regrets. I’m happy for the first time in my life and I’m not going to let this go. Good and bad things happen, but they all happen for a reason. There is meaning behind every thing that happens. I know this now. I can see it so clearly and it’s such an amazing view. I’m glad things turned out this way. =D