The Perfect Me

icon I’m sick of it! I give up! I’ve given Ed so many chances and he’s thrown each one away. I forgive him over and over. I speak with him about my feelings over and over. He just ignores it. Nothing changes. He doesn’t respect me. He does nothing for me. I do everything for him. I’ve given him my all. He’s done nothing in return but hurt me. Its not fair and its not right. I deserve better then this.

I’m sick of him criticizing everything I have. Everything that makes me happy, he criticizes and bad mouths. What gives him the right to do such a thing? Its my stuff. It makes me happy. Why can’t you just be happy with that? Don’t you want my happiness? No. He just wants his own happiness. That’s it. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. I’m sick of it! I do have feelings too!

I’m sick of his abuse. I’ve dealt with enough of that in my life. I’ve dealt with it from my aunts, my uncles, my father, my friends, my family friends, my teachers, everyone! I’m done! I’m not going to take this shit anymore. I shouldn’t have to!

I want a real relationship. One where we do things for each other. One where we hold each other up. I want someone who will be there for me when I need them. I want someone who will support me. Someone who will love me and show me. Someone who wants to be with me. Spend every moment with me. Someone who is dying to know all about my day/night. Someone who is interested in what I do. Someone who wants to know about my life and feelings and respects it all. He doesn’t fit into any of these categories.

Ed… He doesn’t respect anything of mine. He can’t even respect my things! Let alone my being! Its pathetic. I’m sick of it. Everything I do, he criticizes. Everything I am, he criticizes. The way I act, he criticizes. The way I dress, he criticizes. The things I have, he criticizes. The things I love, he criticizes. The way I live, he criticizes. The future I want for myself, he criticizes. He criticizes everything I am, have, and do! Its abuse and its wrong.

I always told myself that I would never let myself be abused by my boyfriend. Yet here I am. Taking the abuse I promised I would never put up with. Well it stops now. I’m not a maid. Not his, not anyone’s. I’m not going to be criticized for being me. If he can’t accept who I am, then he doesn’t deserve me. If he doesn’t love me for me, then he doesn’t deserve me.

I deserve better.

Its as simple as that. I deserve someone who will treat me like a princess. Someone who will love me and care for me. Someone whose shoulder I can rely on. Someone who will pick me up when I fall down. Someone who will love me for me. I don’t think I’m asking for much. I just want to be treated right. I want to be treated how I deserve. I don’t want to be hurt anymore. I don’t want my relationship to me by stresser. I want it to be what relieves the stress and makes everything okay.

My relationship with Ed… its not like that. Its just another added stress on my shoulders. Its just another pain in my heart. Just another knife in my back. That’s not a relationship. You don’t hurt someone that you love. But all he does is hurt me. No matter how many times I tell him my feelings, he ignores them.

So I’ve decided. I’m done. I’ve forgiven him for the last time. I’m moving on now. I’m going to find someone better.

Its funny though, even though Ed has criticized me so much, he’s given me so much confidence. He’s made me see how I’m perfect just being me. I’m beautiful. I’m not going to let his abuse scare me. I’m not going to let it break me down. I’m stronger then that. With all I’ve been through, I’m not going to let his stupidity and ignorance hurt me.

I. Am. The. Perfect. Me.

There is no one who would make a better me. No one more perfect at being me, then me. :) He won’t break me. I won’t let him. :) I will thank him though. For he made me see, just how strong I am. He made me see how beautiful I am. He gave me all the confidence I need to be and do whatever I want. So I’ll thank him for that. But that’s all the credit he gets.

I’m better then he deserves. He wants a maid and that’s not me. He wants someone to abuse and that’s not me either. He’s not going to treat me like the “red-headed step child” as he puts it.

I still have feelings for Ed, I’ll admit, but I’ve got to do whats best for me. It’ll hurt for a while, leaving him, but its best. It’ll be way better for me in a long run. :) I’m stronger then he thinks. I deserve better then him. So I’m leaving him behind and moving on. :) It doesn’t take much. Just a little heart and a little strength.

I’m moving on to someone who loves me.