Towards Happiness

icon Some of you who have followed my blog for a while, may have heard about a friend of mine named Aundrea “Andy”. She broke off our friendship over a year ago. Well, out of the blue, she sent me an email like, a few days ago. So now we’re talking again. I’m not sure how I feel about it or if I even forgive her. I mean, she treated me like real crap…

I guess its hard for me not to talk to her because I made a promise. I make the same promise to every friend I make. I promise to be there for them, should they ever come to me. So, she came to me, so I’ll be there as long as she wishes me to be. I’ve never broken a promise and I hope I never will. I try to stay true to my word. Even if we’re not friends anymore, the promise will always be valid – a million times over. I made the promise, so I’ll honour it, even if I may not always want too.

For me, if you break a promise, its like you told a lie. I hate lies and liars. I’ve deal with so many of them in my life and I can’t stand it. I’ve lied, of course, we all have, but I haven’t told a lie in a long time. I’ve been working hard to be a more honest person then I used too be. That being said, I have a habit of sometimes being too honest. :/ It can hurt people, cause it can come out really nasty and I never mean it that way. So I’m working on that too.

Honestly, I’m just working on a better future for myself. Even though its really hard, I’ve let go of a lot of old friends and people I’ve known. I don’t want to be around people who bring me down. This is something that Kerri taught me. Its hard, letting go of the people who I care about, but if they don’t care about me, they’re not worth keeping around. I’ll always love and care about them and they’ll always hold a place in my heart, but I need to move on. I don’t want to keep dwelling in the past where it hurts. I’m learning to be happy and I love that.

Its been so long since I felt like this, happy. I’m not afraid of getting online and being criticized for something I say. I can talk to people whose opinions may be different, but I can talk to them and we can disagree with each other. I don’t fear I’ll be attacked by their friends or something. I don’t fear someone blowing up what I say and making it something huge when its not. I’m less afraid then I used to be. I used to be so terrified to get online because one thing and everyone would blow up at me.

Kerri and Sarah have really changed my life. A ton of people have been there and supported me, but these two girls, they’ve stuck up for me countless times. They’ve given me so much advice. They’ve listened to my distressed cries and they were there. I can’t put any words to everything they’ve done for me. I just met them and they were there. They listened to what I had to say and my side of the story, of what happened. Just out of the blue and there they were. They’ve made a huge difference in my life that I can never repay. They’ve been such a positive influence and I just want to thank them.

Let me put it this way, without them, I’d still be stuck in a ditch having rocks thrown out me. They held out their hands and helped me out of the ditch. They brushed me off and left, ignoring all the rocks that people threw. That’s the best way I can put it.

I may not know them super, duper well, but I know that I can trust them. I know that I can talk to them about anything and everything. :) I appreciate them so much, more then I could ever explain or know. With their advice, I’m making positive changes in my life. Some of the changes are really hard, but they’ve told me how I can do it.

I do have one more person who really made a huge difference when I was suicidal this past 2012. Georgina. She told me how strong I was, how much strength I had. That I was the strongest person she knew. She even posted it publicly.

For me, this was huge. I mean, she just encouraged me so much, made me feel like I wasn’t what everyone said. I wasn’t some no body. She made me feel like I deserved to be here. It made me so happy. Without her words that day, I really would be dead right now. I firmly believe that.

I have so many people to thank. I’m trying to take everyone’s advice to get my life back on track. Its going really well. :) I’m more careful with who my friends are and who I bring close. I’m not letting people bring me down. I’m keeping my head up. I’m not giving up because I’m not alone. :) I’m working towards happiness and I can do it. I know it’ll be hard sometimes and things may bring me down, but I have my friends. These 3 girls showed me how important I am, not just to them, but to many, many others.

I just have to learn to take a breath and keep going. I can’t let others bring me down, its just not worth it. Its my life and I can either dwell in the past and move on into the future. I want happiness and I can achieve it. I know that Kerri, Sarah and Georgina will be there when I need them and their advice. :) I can’t thank them enough.