From Yesterday to Tomorrow

icon I can’t believe that in just a few hours it’ll be 2014 and from there, in 4 months, I’ll be 21. Time feels like it’s just slipping away from me. I can’t even believe Christmas just passed. It feels like it hasn’t even been here yet.

A lot of things have happened in this past year. At this time last year, I was in my van during a snow storm, wondering when things would get better. I never thought that it would take so long to get out of the van, honestly. But in this past year, I’ve also changed a lot. I’ve grown. I met a lot of people, some good and others bad. I went to my first baby shower. I’ve even gone so far as to debate closing my hosting company which I love so much. I’ve made some great new friends like Robert and Luana, both of whom I have no idea what I’d do without. My grandmother died and thanks to my dad I never got to know her or even go to her funeral and that’s all I really wanted. I was gifted a DeviantArt premium membership from Luana. I found out the van was really sick – putting it in human terms, it’s like it has cancer and to cure it would cost more money then we have. We got the breaks on it fixed, but not it doesn’t run at all and we don’t know what’s wrong with it. That’s all a different story though.= which I’ll blog about later. Finally, we got a place to live and took a step forward.

I know so much more has happened, so much that I can’t even list it all because it would be too long of a list. At the end of the day though, the entire point is that I just can’t believe it’s been a year.Frankly, it feels like the year has gone on forever. It feels like it’s been three years instead of just one.

I wish I could say that this year was ending on a great note, but it’s not. I mean, I’m so happy that I have a place to live, but we’re not sure how long it’ll last. You can check my twitter/facebook or just ask me for more details on that. I don’t really feel like getting into it. I may blog about it later, who knows.

With everything that has happened this year, I guess it ended pretty well. I mean, we have a place to live. I guess I’m just wondering and concerned about what the new year will bring. If mum doesn’t get a job as soon as possible, then we can’t afford this place. Plus we have no vehicle and it might be transmission problems which are really fucking expensive. No way we can afford that. We can’t forget that mum doesn’t have a license and dad is trying to take the van back. So we’re just in a bad bind at the moment. It’s hard to be super happy right now. I’m just worried.

I’m just really hoping that for a good new year. I’m hoping that things continue to work out and get better. That we get the van in our name, I don’t care what shape my van, my baby, is in. I just want it to be mine. I hope that mum can continue to get her license problems worked out. I hope that we can somehow find a second vehicle that’s in good working order that we can afford to buy. I hope that we can find another place to live that’s bigger, in a better area, and that we can better afford. I really hope that mum can get a job as soon as possible and maybe I’ll be able to get one sometime in the future. I would also really like to go to college or at least take some courses that I’m really interested in taking. I also want to get social security and disability and I hope that everything works out so that I can get that.

I’m just hoping for a lot of things. I want so much to happen this year. I mean, in 4 months I’m going to be 21 and I just feel like I’ve done absolutely nothing with my life. I haven’t finished high school. I’m going no where and nothing is happening. So many of my friends are in college, have jobs, have their own places, have their own cars, everything. I want to do all that too.

I mean, I have this one friend, whose younger then me by a few years. This person just got their license and a car. It’s not fair. They’re only 16 and I’m 21. They have both a license and their very own car. I want one too. I feel like I’m just trapped here, in some cage with chains weighing me down.

My dad says that I can come live with him and I’ll have my own car. But honestly, I couldn’t stand to live with him. I hate even thinking about him. Let alone having to see him every day. I couldn’t handle it. I love my dad, but I hate him all the same. I couldn’t and I don’t want to deal with his childish behavior anymore. If I lived with him, I’d kill myself within the week. So it’s just not happening.

Finally, I guess, I just want this year to turn out better then all the years before. I want to get towards some normality. I want to have at least a semi-normal life. I want to do things with my life and get somewhere. So my new years resolution is to work towards a better future. To work towards making life better for myself. I want to work hard towards tomorrow. I want to continue to be a better person. So that’s what I’m aiming towards this year. I’m aiming towards moving on to better things. Sometimes that means letting go of some things that bring me down.