The Written Words

icon To be quite frank, for over a year and a half, I’ve been in a complete writing slump. I can’t really explain it. I don’t have writers block, that’s definitely not it. I know what I want to write. I’ve got a million ideas for each story! Plus, I actually want to write! The issue is though, when I actually sit down to write, I just… can’t do it. I’m not sure how else to explain it.

I just don’t get whats been wrong with me. I usually don’t mind writing and don’t have much of a problem doing it. I’m usually super easy to inspire, but for the last year and a half, that’s been the opposite. It’s been absolutely impossible for me to write. It’s been just an absolute struggle. I can’t even tell you how hard it’s been. I want to write, but when I try too, I just can’t. I just can’t do it and I don’t know why.

I don’t know if I would consider myself unmotivated or uninspired really because I do want to write. For me, when I’m unmotivated and uninspired, I don’t want to write. I simply don’t have any interest. So I don’t know what I would call this. I just know that it’s a problem that I’ve been plagued with for over a year now.

What’s made this so hard though, isn’t that I want to write and can’t, but is the fact that more then one of my friends has been doing great with their writing! I mean, one of them has not only finished their novel, but is even trying to get it published now. I really want to be happy for her, but it’s hard. I’ll be flat out honest and say that I’m jealous.

…I can’t even sit down and read her novel…

I mean, I’ve been working on my novels for years and now I just can’t write at all. She sat down and wrote her book in this past NaNoWriMo (2013) and has been working on it since then. While I’m having so much trouble. She keeps talking about it and about her letter to an agent and just… everything and to be frank, I just can’t handle it.

I know I should be happy for her and I am! I’m just… really jealous too. It’s like everything is just coming and being handed to her, while I can’t even get one word out. I’d never wish anything bad for her, but at the same time, I wish I was in her place.

This past week has been the first time in a long time that I’ve been able to write anything at all. On January 30th, I actually was able to sit down and write the first chapter of a fan fiction which consisted of 3863 words. Yesterday, I sat down and wrote an original short story and completed it at a total of 4756 words. I also started the second chapter of the fan fiction, leaving off at 2599 words and I hope that maybe I’ll continue today.

I mean, I should be happy about this, but… honestly, I’m more scared then happy. As I sit here writing again, I can’t help noticing how my skill hasn’t advanced much. I still have so much trouble with writing. Descriptive writing is my absolute worst point and no matter what I can’t seem to find a way to improve. I need some serious help.

My descriptions are so generic isn’t disgusting and I hate it. People say “Well don’t make it generic then! Find a better way to describe things!” and you know what, I have tried. It’s just not that easy. I’ve read a ton of books and pages and tutorials on descriptive writing, looked at hundreds of examples and I understand exactly what the issue is, but no matter what, I can’t find a way to fix it.

It’s like my writing is at a stand still. I’m starting to really wonder if I should just give up all ideas of being a writer at all. I’ve had more then one literary agent interested in my novel ideas, but that’s not my writing. If I can’t write it, then there’s nothing. I’m not willing to sell my ideas.

…I just don’t know what to do anymore. I wish I could afford a writing tutor who could help me specifically with my writing, but I can’t. People have said that they would help, but they never do. At this point, it seems like my writing is just getting worse and no better.

I’ve never been one to give up, but when you’re not getting better, it’s foolish to keep going on. That’s like working on a house that every time you fix one thing, another problem appears. You might as well just give up on the house and move on to another one. It would be cheaper, easier, and less time wasted. …Maybe that’s what I’ll do.