A Thousand Words

icon In my past, I’ll be the first to admit that I could be very argumentative, often saying things and picking fights. I guess I did it for attention, because I was angry and envious. In the past year or so, I’ve really come to a changing point in my life. I’ve come to this point where I just don’t care to argue anymore. Its tiring and more of a burden then its even worth. I find myself aggravated less with the point of the argument and more with the argument itself.

There is this one girl in particular on twitter. She’s an old friend and we don’t always get along. For a while, we broke off our friendship, then she apologized and wanted another chance. So I accepted. I don’t want to hold grudges anymore. I just can’t be bothered with such stupid things like that. So I forgave her and let the past go. Out first it was fine, we were getting along. In what seemed like an instant, she just stopped being nice. I’m not really sure what triggered it. She’s always been one to pick fights, but lately she’s been worse then ever. She’s been trying to pick a fight every chance she gets. I guess she’s going through the same thing. She’s really bad – worse then I was, I think.

She is constantly trying to pick fights with me. I mean, I won’t even say anything to her and she’ll make some nasty comment. I’ll go along with her arguing some, to a point anyways. I know how it was when I went through this. I craved the argument. If they didn’t reply, I don’t know. I needed them to reply. To continue the fight. It was like a release. So I’ll go back and forth with her some – I mean, lazily, but yeah. She’s my friend, even if I’m not her’s. If it makes her feel better alright.

That all being said, it does get old. Especially when I do say something nice to or about her and she still gets nasty. She still tries to fight over it. Its alright if she doesn’t want to talk, but no one was asking her too. I was just encouraging her, supporting her, showing her that I care. She craves things like that too – she’s tweeting about no one supporting her or whatever. So I try – not because she wants it, but because she does deserve it. She’s a smart girl. That being said, her actions aren’t always smart. In fact, her actions can be down right forms of stupidity! She’s a smart girl though, just still going through that “I’m the smartest person in the world! Look at me!” stage.

So I can really understand what she’s going through. She just broke up with her boyfriend – they had been dating quite a while too. Its hard. She relied entirely on him, based her life all around him. He was her happiness. Now that they’re over, its hard. Its hard to move on past that and find happiness on her own. Anyone would agree.

Still, it doesn’t give her the right to act like a complete brat to her friends and those who love and support and care about her. I mean, we’re all trying to be there for her, but with how she acts, she’s just pushing everyone away. For the record, I’m not the only one she’s been (trying) pick fights with. She’s just really bad with me. As her friend, I really don’t want to see her completely alone. I know first hand how many people who love and care about her. There could be more! She just keeps pushing them all away. :(

Its sad because she’s a good kid. She’s just… I dunno. Angry, I guess. She’s just angry, alone, scared, feeling betrayed, depressed, bitter, jealous, envious, and over all, wants attention. I can understand and I wish that she knew that. Instead of arguing or being with a million guys, talk to your friends. Open up.

Most importantly, just let it all go. Just let the anger just… empty. Release it. Let it go. She doesn’t need to be angry anymore. Sure, she has reason to be. She’s going through a hard time, but anger doesn’t help it. It only makes it worse. Its hard to let go of that anger too, especially when you don’t even realize how angry you are. That’s how I was. I never realized it, until I let the anger go. I felt so much better. Now, I’m still trying to patch up all the holes I made and rebuild the bridges that I burnt. I’m working on it. I’m making new bridges and I’m a lot happier. Now, I don’t rely on anyone else to make me happy. I can do it on my own. I know she can too.

She may be a spoiled brat with no consideration of others or sense of money, but she’s still a good kid. Everyone has their flaws. Me, you, everyone. Its okay. I just don’t want to see her end up really screwed like I was. Its hard coming back and she’s so close to the edge. At some point, she’ll end up being just completely pushed off. That climb back up, lemme tell you, its not easy. I guess I want to stop her from falling. I want to reach out and grab her hand.

There’s nothing I can do, of course, if she won’t let me. Its entirely her choice. Based on my past experience though, I can say that there are a lot of things I wouldn’t have done. I’d have killed to know then what I know now. I can’t go back. Its okay. I’ve accepted things the way they are. I’ve made better friends and just over all moved on.

I still get into disagreements, its going to happen to us all. I can’t change who I am obviously. I defend my beliefs and my words, people call it arguing. Having been a person big on arguing before, I know the difference. Its alright if they don’t. :)

In the end, there really isn’t much I can. Ignore her I guess, but if it were me, that would depress me more then anything. So its hard to decide what to do. Maybe if she reads this it’ll make a difference? I don’t think it will, but a thousand words.