icon How many times have you done things for someone who didn’t appreciate it in the end? I’ve done it so many times, that I’ve lost count. I just love doing things for people. I love to help others. I love to see them happy. Sadly, this often leads to my being used or taken advantage of. It happened today.

Brandy really wanted a hair cut. My mum thought it was a good idea and so did Noah – her brother. So I figured, why not? A little trim doesn’t matter. She just wanted a little off of the ends anyways. So I went ahead and did a real nice cut. Brandy was thrilled and absolutely loved it! Her dad liked it until his ex-wife didn’t. He’s terrified of her – who knows why.

I mean, he’s all like “I appreciate but…”. As soon as you put that word “but” there. You erase everything you previous said. Whats sad, is I do a lot for him and his kids. He doesn’t appreciate any of it. I’m sick of it! I’m just sick of doing things for others when they don’t appreciate it.

Whats really pathetically funny, is if it had been Noah’s desire, it would have been fine with Ed, even if his ex didn’t like it. See, this dad shows real favoritism for his son rather then his daughter. He’ll take the heat for his son’s wants, but not his daughters. Its pathetic.

I guess I should have known. This man doesn’t appreciate anything I do. Why did I think he’d appreciate this? Such a fool, I am, huh? its just upsetting and frustrating. I mean, he says he loves me and wants a life with me, but doesn’t appreciate me? That doesn’t even make sense. I want to be loved and appreciated. I won’t get that with him. I’m just going to be used and abused. Some how though, I can’t find the words to say to break it off.

What does he care though? We’re like some big secret. No one is allowed to know. That’s bull shit. That’s not a real relationship. That’s not anything. I’m not going to –

No. I should stop right there. I will continue to put up with it. I always do. Then I complain. I’m so stupid. I hate it. I hate how I am. I just keep making excuses for him. Why do I do that? I say I won’t and then I do. I say I’m going to end it and then I don’t. Why do I do that? I don’t know. I just don’t know.

I’ve changed so much in the past two years, so why can’t this part of this change too? This is something I hate so much. I don’t want to be unappreciated or used or taken advantage of! Not anymore! I know that only I can stop it, so why can’t I bring myself to do it. Its so stupid…