Try to Understand

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icon I’m tired of being criticized. I honestly feel like no one is listening. I explain, and people criticize the and say to do the same thing I just said that I did! I’m tired of it! I feel like I just keep repeating myself over and over and over again. Its driving me fucking crazy! I can’t even put it into words!

Honestly, if you don’t know the whole story or every little detail, then you can’t criticize. You only what know little bit I’ve told you. There’s a WHOLE LOT MORE then what you know or have read or what I’ve told you. I like making things seem better then what they really are. It helps me deal with things. It helps me stay afloat. So to you, it may seem like “okay, you’re homeless, lets find a solution!” but then when I deny or say how every solution you offer won’t work, you get mad. Its not because I’m not trying. Its because you don’t realizing or even have any idea, how bad things really are.

So in the end, you would rather criticize me and say how I don’t really want the help, when in reality, I’d kill to make some solution work! Anything! But I know the facts of the situation and sadly, you don’t. What’s worse, is sometimes the things I say don’t make sense. Like, my dad bitches about how he has to pay for everything and how we have no money. But we have 2 checks sitting here. He refuses to cash them. There’s a what the fuck moment right there. That’s my dad though. :/ He’s always been like that. He would much rather bitch and blame people for shit then actually fix the problem.

Just like with the van. He refuses to fix it and would rather bitch about having to drive us places. However, I’ve said a million times, just give us the van back! We’ll find a way to go and get it. We’ll find our own way to get it fixed. So you (dad) don’t have to worry about it! You don’t have to deal with us any more! He says no. There’s another great example of a what the fuck moment that makes no sense.

What’s worse, is my life is full of these moments that re stupid, irrational, and make no sense at all. Which leads people to think I’m lying. Naturally, I would think I was lying too, honestly! But sadly, this is really how my family is. :/ Its all fucked up and screwed up to the point it doesn’t make any sense. Its fit for a stupid, drama TV show. The shit that I go through, its so out there, that half the time it seems completely unrealistic! Sometimes I, myself, even half to stop and just look. I can see exactly why someone(s) wouldn’t believe me. I wouldn’t believe me!

Honestly though, I just wish that I could live a completely normal life. Do homework and need help. Get a bad grade or break up with my boyfriend. Get grounded for staying out too late! Having to drive some sister or brother to wherever! Just normal life stuff. :/ But I don’t have a normal life and looking back, I never really did. I mean, divorce, it happens and that’s normal. I didn’t even have that. My parents were never married or even engaged. :/ My mum was still married to her ex-husband when I was born because he didn’t want to sign the divorce papers even though they had been legally separated for years!

I would do anything just to have a normal life. To have all of the drama and pain that a normal kid has. To do normal things. To have friends and enemies. Just… to be normal. :/ But I’m not. I don’t fit in and I’m not normal and no mater how much I beg to god, that’s not ever going to change. I’m stuck in this shit-hole for a life. No matter how much I hate it, I’m stuck with it. Its like a bad tattoo. You can get it surgically removed, but the fact is, you’re still going to see the scar.

Honestly, it seems like every time things start to get better, they get worse. Then I get criticized! That’s not helping me! That’s not helping anyone or anything! Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the help, I do. You just need to understand that I’m not saying “that won’t work” because I don’t feel like trying. I’m saying it because it really won’t work. There is something on my half that is keeping it from working.

I really am trying to fix things, but you have to understand, there’s only so much that I can do. :/

8 thoughts on “Try to Understand”

  1. The main problem, is that you see it as being criticized. You just can’t act as though you’re the only one to have issues. MAYBE the people giving you advice, have seen more than their fair share too. I said all I can on the subject on my blog. And trust me, I left out a lot too. o.0 People are cheering for you, even if you CHOOSE to see it only as being criticized. ^-^

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  2. I know when I was looking for work, people always had “solutions” but I felt like I was banging my head against a brick wall because they made it sound so “easy” when the reality was much different. I think sometimes people have their hearts in the right places and I can understand why they get frustrated when you knock back their solutions, but at the same time some people either don’t think about the bigger picture, or are just trying to say what they think you might want to hear, but it just lands up being irritating.

    I always look back especially on my teen years and wonder how different things would have been if I did things differently or if my parents had turned out differently. Sometimes I guess we’re dealt certain cards which don’t make things easy for us and it’s frustrating as hell, but I think at the end of the day, for me at least, it makes us stronger. Sure life COULD have been easier, and sometimes it would be nice to have a little bit of a break, but finding your inner strength is worth it in the end. Well I hope so anyway. :rockout:

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  3. Awe, sweetie! *hugs* I am not going to say that I understand what you’re going through – because I don’t as I don’t know the whole story, but I do want to let you know that I am here for you. Also, don’t ever want to be normal. Normal is boring and dull, and you are a bright, exciting person! Love you! :love:

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  4. First off, I have to say that I absolutely adore your layout – it’s beautiful! :heartsie:

    Secondly, you’re preaching to the choir here, hun! x.x I understand where you’re coming from, because to be honest, I myself have never had a ‘normal’ family life. I had to grow up fast at a very young age, and some of the things I could tell you about my family… you’d honestly think I was making it up. -_- It’s embarrassing, it’s sad, and it’s a complete and utter joke. I don’t really talk about my family problems much. But when I do, I do sometimes feel as though people think I’m ‘over-reacting’ or that the issue ‘isn’t as big as I’m making it out to be’. But when you have to live in a certain situation day in day out and have to cope with the mixed emotions and tribulations you face, it is draining. It’s exhausting. And it’s hard to put it into words and explain it to other people. I myself don’t have what I would call a ‘relationship’ with my dad. We’re just two people that simply live under the same roof, but that’s a different story. I could go on for hours, but I’m honestly sick of his name by now and won’t give him credit!

    I suppose what I am trying to say is, even though we don’t personally know each other; if you ever need someone to talk to or listen, non-biased because she’s been there hereself, then my virtual door is always open. ^-^ Big hugs.

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  5. Well, it happens. I didn’t have a normal life, either, my parents are two big kids that I had to deal with. +shrugs+ It wasn’t fair, school was like a full-time job, along with dealing with my mom complaining about EVERYTHING, but never actually doing anything about it was pretty tiring, too. You endure it, then you use it to make you stronger.

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  6. You are right, we can’t understand. I won’t understand someone who is in such a situation in which I’ve never been in and maybe I’ll be thankful that I’m not in that situation.
    But no one is completely normal. Everyone has their own share of problems…

    BTW my site has moved from sweetdesire.co.cc to thedramaticsoul.wordpress.com because you may have noticed that all the co.cc site has closed down….change the link when you can…

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  7. I guess that was me, the person you’re talking about in your entry.

    I just want to apologize if it did offended you. All I wanted was for you to stand strong because you’re so sad on twitter all the time. And it makes me feel sad to see you this way. I feel like dragging you here to see the beauty of this world, instead of you feeling stuck.

    I never once thought you were lying or blamed you for being where you are. Because thats how life are. We just need to be strong and go through whatever is ahead of us.

    And that is what I want you to be. To be strong in your current situation.

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